Don't call them Epstein!

Saturday Sports

Okay, so this is ridiculous. I heard an old man the other day blathering on about how the Washington Commanders football team should change its name back to the more offensive tag, Redskins. He went on further, saying the Cleveland Guardians should go back to their old title, the Indians.

That old man was the President of the United States, Donald J. Trump. On his Truth Social platform (is it opposite day?), Trump bleated that, “The Washington “Whatever’s” should IMMEDIATELY change their name.” he went on, “Likewise the Cleveland Indians…Our great Indian people, in massive numbers, want this to happen. Their heritage and prestige is systematically being taken away from them.” Later he added, “Indians are being treated very unfairly, MAKE INDIANS GREAT AGAIN (MIGA)!” The only shock, I guess, is that President ALL CAPS only used one exclamation point rather than his customary three.

Trump aims to get these name changes done by blocking a deal to build a new stadium between the Washington Commanders and Washington D.C. Seems like The Man Who Would Be King really doesn’t want us to talk about his old pal Jeffrey Epstein.

I wonder also, does Trump want the Tampa Bay Rays to go back to Devil Rays? Make Devils Great Again (MDGA)! We know, of course, that in this twenty-first century, no right minded person would name a sports team the black skins, the yellow skins or even the white skins. Old Pale Face wants the Washington football club to go back to Redskins mainly because he likes to finish all his sentences with again. Would he also like to make Joe Theisman Washington’s quarterback again? Maybe that’s not going back far enough. Perhaps Billy Kilmer from Washington’s 1972 NFC Championship team. To make things greater still, we could bring back Kilmer’s coach George Allen. “I hear he’s doing some really great things!” the President might bleat.

Not to mention that neither Theisman, nor Kilmer, nor even George Allen has flown on Epstein’s private jet. Ooops! There’s that name again. Sorry, I meant to say Voldemort.

In fairness to Trump, this is not the first time a president has used threats to try to force the Washington football team to do something. In 1961 the Kennedy Administration threatened civil rights litigation against then-owner George Preston Marshall because the team’s roster was made up exclusively of white ballplayers. I bet the Trump Administration would consider that governmental overreach. It did just withhold funds from Duke University for what it termed “systemic racial discrimination” in hiring, admissions and patient care. It seems Duke was practicing diversity, equity and inclusion, the three horsemen of the apocalypse in Trump’s view. When, oh when, will it be safe in North Carolina for a white child to apply for higher education?

I wonder if Trump would also like to change the name of the New England Patriots back to its original moniker, the Boston Patriots. He probably doesn’t know the Washington football team was originally founded in Boston and known as the Braves. I bet he’d be okay with that name and also the all white lineup.

So bring back the GREAT Washington football owner George Preston Marshall and change the name to Whiteskins. After all, white people, in massive numbers, want this to happen. Their heritage and prestige is being systematically taken away from them. If you think that sounds racist, you’re just a little too woke. George Preston Marshall’s never been on Epstein’s private island.

Oh sorry, I meant He Who Shall Not Be Named.

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